but even fish eventually drown

as I put down my pride the fever grew on me 

burnt skin, itching 

I no longer cry when I suffer great deals of pain 

I only gain respect by pulling out the second someone gets too close 

salt on the rug, praying on my flat knees

sand off my pants 

love at bay 

when I start to crave for something bigger 

I feel disarmed and doomed

for I can never access what it is

I only long for it everyday 

a blurry "it" 

that will stay a mystery through the long passing years 

disparate clouds and empty tears 

my heart will be kept afar from my preoccupations

and I’ll keep on walking until death comes for me 

I’ll be physically still but moving inside

even growling, 

or maybe crawling

the floor is as disgusting

as the disastrous conflict inside of my head

will I ever feel free ? 

from all those questions that haunt me down until the day fades away ?

I don’t think I’ll ever escape it

it’s my journey, it’s my destiny