badlands

I was laying next to his hollow heart 

I wanted to hear his voice warm and excited 

instead it was only deaf and hesitant 

I wanted the sound of love filling my entire being 

instead there was only a crippling silence 

emptying me from pride, from esteem, from just everything 

it all started weighing on my soul 

weighing on my body

the sun got drained out of me 

the enthusiasm also vanished

leaving me all defeated and pessimist 

you won, old enemy

you won me over until I lost myself 

and then you threw me out of your life

the one I knew so well

the one that I claimed was also mine

but a new day appeared 

a new day free of worries and pain 

virgin of any pressure 

the loss fade away as I met a beautiful new soul

this one wanted me fully 

this one made me feel enough

I recovered my dignity while you lost

I can only tell you today there is no space left for you in my mind, 

nor there is in my now hardened heart 

and whenever I remember my old self, I realize it was all necessary

it was all an initiatory journey I had to go through 

to access what I would never have dreamt of, 

what I would never have dared to hope for,

what is even better than what I once wanted