the dryness of the heart

I remember the smell of the rain on the grass. I was lying on the ground, the wet leaves were itching my back. My face was covered in salty tears. My whole life I’ve been avoiding the rain, avoiding my feelings but today it all felt like a useless fight for I was so tired. Tired of preserving myself, of thinking about consequences. How come I needed to cover my head from the water? How come I had to hide in the toilets to cry? All these social conventions, all so heavy on my soul. I felt so alive. My communion with nature was overwhelming my senses. Such a rare moment of isolation in this dreamy atmosphere. And as the new dawn faded I remained motionless, still, watching the black clouds passing by. My mouth moist, I kept on swallowing my saliva loudly with my burnt tongue sensing a plaster taste. For a second, I wondered : was there something more for me out there?